So I dont Rock

Do you remember that sinking feeling when you know you've just fucked up big time but are beyond the point of no return.

The time when you play through in your head all the nice saves that you know are impossible, just so you don't have to face the magniture of your fuckup.

Well I was there yesterday. Without getting into details I did an upgrade that has now turned sour. Trying now to work out how to get things back on track.

I hate feeling stupid yet doing stupid things does it. At this point I have no confidence in myself or my abilities...but I guess I will feel better later when I somehow manage to recover what I have put awry.

I Rock!

Ok, well I'm not a rock god or anything but I did get my Uni results back today and I'm proud to say yet another Distinction. My fifth since returning to uni. I only wish I could have worked this hard the first time around rather than doing it the hard way!

But it's a good feeling to know that I am smart and that I can do this. Now just to finish.

The Secret Life of Others

Ever wonder what your friends think of you? Or your co-workers. Something their not going to say to your face, yet they might say online in a chatroom or a blog.

I wonder, is it wrong to check out other peoples online musings just to get a feel for your own worth? I mean come one, we all get worried sometimes about how we are percieved in the world, so why would it be a bad thing?

If you put stuff out there you shouldn't really expect it to go unnoticed. I mean that's why I'm here spewing out such drivel as I do. So that people like you will read my musings and think better of me. Think that somehow having taken this leap I am a better person.

But it's all bull really. Just another outlet for the mind to pour forth shite. Well ok not everything is shite...some of it might be considering insightful and witty. But usually I write here just 'cos I get a feeling about something or I'm feeling down. The I tell the world about it and somehow that makes it better.

So now my life isn't so secret. My thoughts are yours to digest. Maybe I'll let out some secrets but generally I'll just gripe about the world and offer my angle on it all.

There. Now doesn't that feel better?

Life under the Thumb

Tell most people you're married and they'll come back with some comment about your boss (ie your wife) or something about having to get a leave pass in order to go out.

Yet after being married almost 4 months I hate to say I can't see any of that!

Makes me think that some people have a raw deal in marriage. Then again I guess these musings come down to the compramises we have to make in order to live with someone. When we're single and living alone its the ultimate in freedom. Noone to check with noone to call when your home late. In theory its the ideal situation.

Yet after being married I wouldn't go back. The comprimise made is far outweighed by the joy of having a lovely wife to hang out with for ever and a day.

Wife: Yes, this is about you.


I think somehow the fact that we both went through the aguish of planning a wedding of our own accord means that we really want it. Doing that, liasing with families, bargining guest lists and tables working out what to do after. It all proves that we're on the right thing. If we faced these things and turned and ran, well that would be saying something wouldn't it!

I love my wife and I'm so glad I'm married.

Nuff said.

Please dont make me get up early again

Ok here's the deal. We've been having lots of eletrical work going on over the last month or so. Big deal you say? Well for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of working in close contact with electricians won't know that electricians for some unknown reason like to start work at 7am!! Even if they are commuting from the Central Coast (1hr away by car). This of course means that if you also don't start work at 7am then your electricians are sitting around for an hour or so waiting for you to come and let them in.

But don't think that means that just work back an hour. Oh no! They will still leave at their normal finishing time of 3pm. Thus you get sparkies that look to you to be very lazy.

So my point is why? Why do they have to start so early. Most of the working world doesn't! Well ok, all tradies seem to start early and having been the person to let them in early for the last week or so I'm beginging to wonder why. Why can't they just adjust to our hours and be done with it? Surely they wouldn't mind the sleep in? I know I would!

All right, it's a lame rant but dammit it's a rant! I'm tired and no amount of coffee is going to fix that this morning. Perhaps I should just sleep under my desk for an hour or so until someone else rocks up!

Grrr.

My Geekdom

Ok here is my confession:

Step 1. I am a geek.
Step 2. I am proud of that fact.
Step 3. Noone else is.

You see, I like being geeky and yet I feel that noone else appreciates my geekyness. Perhaps this is why geeks cluster together thus aggrevating the whole isolation a geek feels when attempting to interface with the real world.

But I have to go now...duty calls, I will blog again soon and expose my geekiness to the world!!

Bye for now.

The Routine of life

It's funny the love hate relationship we have with routine. On the one hand we like to think of ourselves as free creatures able to do what we like when we like.

Yet we are bound to routine by life . If you want to live you have to eat.
If you want to eat you must shop, cook and cleanup. Washing must be done. So many things are dictated to us by outside (or inside) influences. We are not really as free as we would believe.

When the routines of life fall apart we find ourselves not really living anymore.

During my whole kitchen upgrade all the usual routines fell aside. Not just the ones you would assosicate with a kitchen upgrade. Yes cooking stopped. But shopping also stopped. Clothes washing stopped. And general tidyness had to stop.

This is where humans natural lazyness comes through. We have to work to survive but given the choice we would revert to our natural lazy mode albiet to conserve energy that is so precious!

When one routine stops it becomes much easier to justify not doing other things. Much easier to do less than not.

I cant help wonder what the future holds when technology makes it easier and easier to live. Where things like shopping and cooking and cleaning are done for us. What then? What will we become when we revert to lazy mode all the time? Who knows. I for one would prefer doing things myself if I can help it. Makes me feel like I am actually responsible for my survival when I know full well I'm not. No matter what I do society will take pains to protect me from myself and itself from me.

Therefor I conclude I'm not really a free agent doing what I want when I want. I am a social creature doing what I have to in order to get along. Working to live, living for some undefinable goal that I may never achieve.

I hope it's all worth it.